wake up,
you're getting high on your own supply

tell me life is beautiful

i had the most beautiful night with my two great friends.

i am always up for firsts, and tonight certainly was one

i'm just so goddamn lucky

patrick

there will always be those people you want to know better - those people that you want to just capture on film. patrick is certainly one of these people.

being human

these past few months as of late have been very different for me - i have lost quite a lot but gained a lot at the same time. i feel like i need to forgive - i need to say these words, but i cannot formulate them. i'm too shocked, too hurt, too human to forgive now. and i never know what is right - to forgive and hurt again, or to forget and hurt more still. 

i will find my way.

the bridges i burn will light my path.

boom sha clack clack

what is this all about?
settle down, please don't yell or shout.
the landlord he lives downstairs
we'll get evicted, please don't get too loud
you say i'm passive aggressive
how can i not be when you're always talking at me?
you say i'm unresponsive
and here you are talking over me


you make me wanna throw this shoe right through that concrete wall
maybe you should pack your things
if its that dreadful
then just leave it all
{ooh ooh}


don't want to keep sharing my bed with someone else that i have to love
less & less
every time i try to make you smile
you say i'm being a child
well, i tried my best
you say that i need therapy
well, my darling so do you
don't need for you to tell me what is wrong in all i see or do
please don't try to throw this shoe right through that concrete wall


maybe you should pack your things
if its that dreadful
then just leave it all
{ooh ooh}

future travels

i am aching to leave this place,
to leave my home
(though not my mother & dog)
and move on to a better place - a freer place.
or even better, a place with no past memories.

i don't feel as though i want to run away from these people here (except there is one i have been dying to escape from). i just need somewhere new. i am ready to move on and i feel as though i have accepted myself and grown so much already.

although i have lost a lot - too much, really.
and experienced a great deal in such a short amount of time. i feel like a whole different person from where i was last year. or even three months ago.

i cant wait to get into the city in march and sit in that hotel and read novels and meet new people. i surely cannot wait for any of it. my heart beats with the anticipation of it. being back there will bring back so much goodness and bring forward so much more goodness.
i know i should be outlining right now, but i cannot help it - i have so many thoughts running in my head.

not to mention i've been sitting here for ages writing about forests.
but i love forests - so i guess i do not mind.
i hope i go back to the lake this year with emily & run through the trees and finally kayak and watch the sun rise over the mountains again.
and to spend one glorious week at the beach would be a dream. to sit out at night a little drunk and wake up at sunrise and feel the sand between my toes and feel the ocean surrounding my body.
there is so much to look forward to.

maybe that's why i don't really enjoy novels that are set in the present day - i'm always looking to the past or to the future.
nowadays, its mostly the future.