to leave my home
(though not my mother & dog)
and move on to a better place - a freer place.
or even better, a place with no past memories.
i don't feel as though i want to run away from these people here (except there is one i have been dying to escape from). i just need somewhere new. i am ready to move on and i feel as though i have accepted myself and grown so much already.
although i have lost a lot - too much, really.
and experienced a great deal in such a short amount of time. i feel like a whole different person from where i was last year. or even three months ago.
i cant wait to get into the city in march and sit in that hotel and read novels and meet new people. i surely cannot wait for any of it. my heart beats with the anticipation of it. being back there will bring back so much goodness and bring forward so much more goodness.
i know i should be outlining right now, but i cannot help it - i have so many thoughts running in my head.
not to mention i've been sitting here for ages writing about forests.
but i love forests - so i guess i do not mind.
i hope i go back to the lake this year with emily & run through the trees and finally kayak and watch the sun rise over the mountains again.
and to spend one glorious week at the beach would be a dream. to sit out at night a little drunk and wake up at sunrise and feel the sand between my toes and feel the ocean surrounding my body.
there is so much to look forward to.
maybe that's why i don't really enjoy novels that are set in the present day - i'm always looking to the past or to the future.
nowadays, its mostly the future.
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